I’ve always wished to have wings.. To be able to fly on my own and run my fingers through clouds… I guess we all do.. Right? But what for? What excited Da Vinci’s imagination about the possibility of soaring through the skies that he presented “The flying Machine” to us..? Why did the Wright brothers were so fascinated with the gliders that they changed the course of human civilisation by giving virtual wings for generations to fly.. Was it just a means to travel distances in a shorter period of time or an endless desire to connect.. to connect where we all came from…
Yes, we all came from the same place… Remember? How Adam had to leave his true home.. “The Heavens” in order to make this world a beautiful place.. A new home, a family… But did he forget about the place he belonged to? No..! Afterall, we are all his family too.. Why wouldn’t we wish to fly back…
“Sometimes you think that you will never be able to overcome the pain you are going through.. That either it will die with you, or take you to the grave with itself… But then one morning you wake up and you don’t feel it anymore.. Is it just the pain that you don’t feel anymore, or you don’t feel anything at all……?”, he kept thinking while looking at the fan slowly revolving in a perfect circle.
“If only I can fall asleep in the first place…”
His heart almost stopped when he heard the phone beeping.. “Is it her?”
“Oh! Just a reminder for bedtime… At least it’s been more persistent than most of the people in my life.. Why do human beings get so deeply involved with people when we already know that eventually, they are all going to abandon us? I thought we’re supposed to be the most intelligent species of all.. Why do we keep getting hurt over and over again..? Waiting for people.. Making friends.. And falling in love…?” he kept staring at the handle of his drawer, shining like gold in the dim light peeping from the window.
“Should I call her? At least I’ll be able to sleep peacefully through the night… But what if she disappears on me again..” Liam sighed and locked the phone screen again as he walked towards the drawer bare feet…
“Why open up your heart to people and get hurt, hoping you might feel better.. When these anti-depressants work all the same, just without the pain…” he squeezed a pill down his throat as a tear rolled down his cheek while a smile widened his lips…….
I heard it… What was that? Was it flying? I should try to get back to my notes, maybe it’s just my brain trying to create more distractions in order to escape from studying for the exam.. But I had to get right back to it.. I don’t wish to be embarrassed in front of “her”.. I mean the whole class tomorrow…. But wait!! I think I saw something.. It’s black! An insect? But it’s flying..!! Nevermind… There, it landed right on my book aaaand it’s a flying Cockroach… Thud!!! I closed the book with a loud scream, thankfully there was no one around to see a young man freaking over an insect.. But now I felt bad for the poor thing.. I killed it!
Back then when I used to walk through the forests with grandpa how I’d run after the fireflies until he’d send me a loud warning.. How I’d play hide and seek with them for hours and how they’d take away my fear of darkness in the middle of a dense forest.. How my heart began to sink when he told me I can’t see them anymore because people are destroying their habitat and I cursed the whole planet for hours and cried like a little baby.. Well, I was only 7… Mmm, 6 and a half technically…. And so I started my campaign to save the fireflies
What made it so different then? People kill them both… They are both insects, right? They both fly… I guess what makes them different is their role.. You see it’s the same with us humans, we all look the same, act the same, breathe, eat, sleep the same… what defines us are our deeds.. And when we decide to overcome the darkness around us.. We glow..!! We become…. well.. A Firefly!!
Too often we are fooled by this whimsical notion that we are the masters of our destiny… The reigns of everything around us lies in our mighty hands and things may have been much different if we acted otherwise… “If I said this instead of that.. If only I took those steps… If only I asserted a little more.. My fate would have been ameliorated, my life would have been an emblem of perfection!”
What we fail to realize is, it’s absolutely the other way round… The things that surround us are actually the in command! I tried… I did everything possible.. Ran in every direction… Searched all the dry wells.. But when the things that surround us want to go the other way, we cannot possibly hold the reigns of all forces together… We assert! We try! We moan! We beg! But then the epiphany occurs waking us from the fool’s paradise.. We realize even if we don’t give up.. we cannot make everything else to work with us..
Sometimes we’re just Helpless!
Have you ever longed for something for so long, worshiped it, yearned for it,, prayed for it with wet lashes and hands folded, that something that brings you on your knees over and over again….??
That one thing which is the central gravitational force holding your whole world together, around which your universe dances and praise..
That very thing that makes you run blindly, barefoot, head over heels, on the slightest chance of you getting closer to it…
Have you worked for it for so long that you’ve lost count of days and years and all facts and figures.. That it seems like that very thing has belonged to you even before your soul came to existence.. An immortal relationship of you and your longings….
But what if, what if it all just disappears.. not the things that you desire, but that feeling.. of running into walls for it, that hunger, that languish, that ache, that hope, that spirit, that reckless courage it instilled into your very pores… What if all of it, becomes merely a vague illusion.. What if you sleep at night like any other ordinary day, and wake up in the morning, feeling Numb!!
I have myopia..
You know… Short sightedness.. There’s a certain point when everything just becomes blurred and I just can’t figure out what’s ahead of me…. This feeling of uncertainty while taking a step down the stairs or looking for a pin on the floor doesn’t make me feel lost.. But it’s the uncertainty of the twists and turns that my life keeps taking…. It scares me..
What if I end up in the wrong direction..? What if this isn’t what I want..? What if the ones that I have faith in, break my trust over and over again? Is it ever going to get any better.. What if it doesn’t? What if the pain never subsides? What if this pain makes me bitter and I become a totally different person..?
And just then I hear the trickling of water.. I hear water knocking on my window.. Calling me out… And as soon I open the window I feel the fresh breeze kissing my cheeks.. The rain embracing me… Washing away all my fears and uncertainties.. And with every drop falling on the leaves and roof and cars and window panes and the empty tin cans, playing a beautiful symphony for me.. Making me smile…. And by the time it ends I can see everything so clear even in the darkest of nights, without any correction glasses, or anything at all.. I can see everything falling into its place…. I can see everything clear,,,, after the rain..!!